caro thinks

A New Day, 2001_05_03:02:55

Software development is in progress. Thanks for your patience, or amusement, as the case may be.

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Air Cleaners
whatever said earlier 2001_05_03:02:12:
* 2001_05_03:02:12


* I don't sing the praises of my air cleaner enough. I won't wound the browser with horrible verses of my own, but I will say that it's a faithful friend, humming along continuously for ten years, making sure my air is breathable. I got a new one last year when the motor of mine seized up. For a few months, I balanced the filter on top of a window fan, and that cleaned some of the dust. Then I finally broke down and bought one. | |That's all I got.

And that ain't much. But I had to respond anyway, because I have the need to be as superficial as possible right now. Okey-dokey?
The sun never came out today. I'm now convinced that I somehow moved to Canada some time during the 48 hours of sleepless programming.
I don't think this topic is going to come up much, since I don't remember dreams anymore, except for when my sleep schedule gets messed up. And it was really messed up this week, and continues to be, because I'm unable to unglue my hands from the keys for trivia like rest and relaxation.

I dreamt that I married the nazi!!!!! It was horrible! I can't remember most of the details now. All I can remember--too well--is the feeling that I was back there, with him, saying to myself, Why am I doing this? Why did I think it would be different? Oh, no! It's all exactly the same! He's saying all the same things and doing all the same things!

The dream seemed to go on forever, a montage of the lowlights of that tour through hell, with that weird internal narration. It was all mixed in with Now, as though I'd left La Jolla so that I could try to squeeze into the obedient, fearful, two-dimensional mold that is his ideal wife. Friends from now and from then burst in once in a while to scold me and ask what I was doing and to say I told you so. If only my actual friends had been so bold before, or during, the actual relationship! Some people listen to reservations and advice, and I'm one of those people; but so few people like that, that they would rather see their friends chopped into little pieces and buried under the floorboards before they'd ever say, "Eh, y'know, I have a funny feeling about him."

I woke up feeling absolutely filthy. I still feel strange. The images of his pillow-top face were nauseatingly clear. [shudder] Well, I guess this is about the time I need to engage in my occasional self-flaggelation: What the hell was I doing?? Was I out of my mind?!. There. All done.

Today didn't go to badly, considering how I woke up. New day, no mistakes in it yet. Oh, and hey! It's 2:45am and that means it's an even newer day with even fewer mistakes in it yet.
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